Most couples have ups and downs in their marriages and it is natural and routine to sit back and try to analyze the bad situations. We try to answer this question in our minds-Why do marriages fail?

We look around at other couples, at friends, relatives and look for an answer to the question. We may well succeed in listing out the probable causes of a failed marriage. But this exercise is not helpful or productive.

Instead I would be asking the question in a different way. I would say-What makes a marriage succeed?

Answering this question goes a long way in solving problems of marital discord and hence, increasing marital happiness. The point of relevance here is to recognize the basic elements of successful marriages.

The partners in a happy and successful marriage have certain things going on for them. These are:

Fondness and admiration of each other Positive and optimistic sentiments towards each other
Less or non-existent negative sentiments
Marital friendship
Collection and memories of good times of the past that serve as an emotional bank account
Sharing of goals and meanings of life
Honoring and working for each other’s dreams

Asking this positive question and eliciting these positive emotions as answer makes each one of us look inside ourselves and come up with similar feelings. Then we have to build upon those positive feelings and create more shared meanings and goals in the marital relationship. This is, in simple words, what marriage counseling or marital therapy is all about.
A marital therapist will identify the strengths of a marriage and guide the couple to make them stronger and try to de-scale whatever negativity may be present.